The Season Begins
Night descended ominously upon the sleepy village, its cold embrace extinguishing all of the early summer warmth from the atmosphere. The street lamps began to flicker to life, warning off the night’s perpetual darkness; pale pools of yellow rained onto the pavement, drenching the cold surface with its warming light.
Night descended ominously upon the sleepy village, its cold embrace extinguishing all of the early summer warmth from the atmosphere. The street lamps began to flicker to life, warning off the night’s perpetual darkness; pale pools of yellow rained onto the pavement, drenching the cold surface with its warming light.
The inhabitants
of the village began to react to the night’s arrival: one by one, they shut
their curtains and turned on their lights. The area was now completely silent
and empty, submerged within the black veil. Not a whisper breathed through the
air, not a movement disturbed the tranquil setting…
Time
flowed through its never ending cycle; with midnight eventually gracing the
world once again. Slowly, a silhouetted figure slipped out from underneath the
shadow of a house, as if signalled by midnight’s arrival. It appeared to
cautiously survey the area, seeking for any signs of life. With caution, it
seeped out from the protection of the shadow and made its advance through the
village. The figure did not waver from its path, always walking in a straight
line. It was clear that it knew where it was going.
The
body passed under a street lamp, its form revealed for just a short moment. Yet,
nothing could be gleaned from the quick unveiling; for the body was draped in a
black hooded cloak, concealing its identity. It swiftly moved away from the
exposing light, and was once more absorbed into the inky blackness.
A few moments later, and
the figure had reached its destination: a small detached house on the far side
of the village. It stopped at the front door, the wooden barrier the only
obstacle preventing the body from entering the property. The figure looked up
at the building, its face consumed by darkness. Only a faint flickering glow
emitted from a second floor window of the house, unlike the other houses; whose
harsh artificial lights radiated from behind their curtains. The body produced a
hand from underneath its cloak and reached for the door. Unexpectedly, after a
gentle push, the door gradually swayed inwards with a soft creak. The figure’s
eyes flashed with malice from under its cowl as it glided inside the building, the
door shutting behind him leaving the void night once more vacant.
The
house was dark and still. The body’s breathing began to quicken, the thumping
of its heart beat filled its ears. The silence was deafening. The darkness
overwhelming.
The body looked up at the flight of stairs
leading to the second floor; the soft glow of light gently illuminating the top
of the staircase, tickling the darkness that devoured the house with its
limitless greed. Then, Bang! The
figure turned its head to the direction of the clamour. Someone was in the next
room.
Floating through the adjacent door, the body ventured into the shadowy
outlines of what appeared to be a kitchen. It hurried across the room hastily, seeking
for the source of the noise. Finding itself alone, the figure advanced through
another door, this time leading into a deserted living room.
The
living room was just as desolate as the kitchen; the only occupancy of the room
being the shadows which hung in the dim atmosphere. The figure was about to make
its departure when something caught its attention. It stopped in the middle of
the area. A soft tiptoe sound could be heard from inside the kitchen. It started to grow louder. The door of the
living room creaked open slowly. It gradually gained upon the figures position.
Then, they stopped. Something brushed passed the base of its cloak. Sweat
streamed from under its hood as the figures pulse quickened in pace, coursing
adrenaline through its veins. It inhaled
deeply. The figure spun round in one fast, liquid motion and pulled out
something sharp from under its cloak. Nothing. The body looked around
frantically in all directions anticipating an attack. But, nothing. It breathed
a sigh of relief, mopping its concealed brow. The body gathered its composure
and exited the room, not prepared to wait for what orchestrated the sound.
Content
that the base of the house was empty, the figure returned to the front of the building.
It looked up at the stairs again, preparing itself for the accent. With gentle
movements, the body reached the landing quickly; attempting not to make the
wood creak with agony, signalling its intrusion. A weak light caressed the floor;
intensifying the further it travelled to the end of the landing. The figure followed
the light and stopped at the slightly ajar door in which the light was leaking
from. It took in a deep breath and with a shaking hand, gasped hold of the
doorknob.
“You may enter,” commanded a confident, female voice. The figure
jumped back in surprise. It clearly was not expecting an invitation. “Do I have
to ask you again?” The body did not require another request, and passed through
the door into the light.
The
heat and light of candles bombarded the body as it entered the room. It took a
while for its eyes to adjust from the darkness it had left behind.
“So, the season has arrived again?” questioned
a woman, sitting cross legged in the middle of the room with her back to the
door, surrounded by a circle of candles. Her long black hair flowed down her
back like a river would flow down the face of a mountain. She wore what
appeared to be red robes, with a white sash tied around her waist. Her eyes
were closed, as if she was meditating.
“My! How quick the last year has flown!” she
said to herself. “I knew that you would be coming for me tonight, hence why the
door was left unlocked. No use destroying my house is there? After all, it cost
enough!”
“You know I have to kill you, don’t you?”
stuttered the newly revealed male.
“Well you didn’t come here to play a game of
chess did you?” jested the woman in a sarcastic tone. The male moved away from
the door, and carefully made his way around the circle to face his target.
“Let me guess… About twelve I would say?”
“I’m fourteen!” growled the boy.
“Ah! I apologise, guessing age was never my
strong suit. Now if you would be so kind, I’d rather see the face of my
supposed assassin.”
With her request the boy lifted the hood of
his cloak. His face was pale and sickly, maybe from illness, but most likely
from fear. His skin was dabbled in a few spots, reflecting his teenage youth.
The most striking feature though was his eyes- black and soulless like miniature
voids of darkness; it was as if all the life in his being had been drained.
The woman opened her eyes in response, and the
two met and were enthralled by each other’s stare. Unlike the boy’s, the woman
had dark brown eyes, burning almost as intensely as the candles which enclosed
her.
“You don’t have to do this,” the woman argued.
“But I have to. Once I have killed you my
initiation will be complete. Then I can go out into the world and hunt your
kind to extinction! ”
“By killing me you will only be harming the
planet-“
“By killing you I will be saving our planet!”
interrupted the boy.
The woman shook her head slowly, and stood up.
“I do not agree with harming children, but if I am to defend our world, then so
be it! Arm yourself child. Let us see how good your training has been!”
The boy drew out two long knives from under
his cloak, the metal shimmering in the candles blazing flare.
“It’s been good enough to kill a monster like
you!” Before the boy even finished his sentence, he commenced in charging at
the woman, the knives directed towards her chest. He moved swiftly, which came to
the woman’s surprise; for he looked scarcely well enough to walk a few feet. But,
before the boy could even reach the circle of candles, a dog shaped animal
jumped in front of him, preventing admission to the woman.
“Ignis! What time do you call this?” scolded
the woman.
“It is called the element of surprise! Do not
fret; I have been tracking this pitiful excuse for a hunter ever since he
entered the village.” The added voice appeared to come from the direction of
the animal!
“Well you are here now, and I would be very
grateful for some assistance.”
The animal bared it fangs and claws, “My
pleasure.” With a vicious bark the animal leapt at the boy, knocking him onto
his back. It stood on his chest, attempting to maul the boy’s throat. Again,
the pale faced youth astonished his targets with his speed, and rapidly placed
his knives in front of his throat in defence. The animal only managed to
succeed in gnawing on the metal weapons. The two struggled on the floor, giving
the boy the chance to identify the creature. Its slender shape, bushy tail and
orange fur gave the indication that the doggish shaped animal was indeed a fox!
Eventually, the fox released its clamp upon
the knives and jumped into the circle of candles, landing next to the woman.
“My turn I think.” The woman closed her eyes
and extended one of her arms, her fingers outstretched. The candle in front of
her appeared to respond to her action. The flame began to flicker. All of a
sudden, the fire started to move! Like a serpent, it slithered off the candle
wick and floated towards the woman. It reached her fingers and slipped onto her
hand, spiralling up her arm, there it stopped and seemed to rest. She opened
her eyes, and a sly smile stretched across her lips. The woman thrust her arm
in the direction of the boy. The inferno flew off her body and smashed into the
attacker. He catapulted across the room, and landed against the far wall.
“Is that all you got? To be honest, I expected
more,” the woman mocked.
“Oh there is more!” The voice came from behind
the woman! She turned around; the boy
was standing just outside circle of candles, uninjured! An expression of fear contorted her face.
“I didn’t expect you to fool for a trick like
that!” the boy smirked.
The woman looked back at where the boy had
supposedly landed. To her dismay she had only managed to scorch the wall with
her assault.
“I think I underestimated you, to learn a
skill at such a young age should be applauded! But be sure, I will not fall for
it again!” The woman closed her eyes again and inhaled. She exhaled heavily,
and as she did, the flames grew to the height of the ceiling. She drove her
arms towards the ground. All at once,
flames were discharged in every direction around the room; the once tranquil
house now rampant with the sound of fire ripping through the atmosphere, the
air shimmering with the intensity of the heat. The boy ran around the circle, warping his
body to evade the streams of fire. This time he was not fast enough. A surge of
heat rippled through his body, his whole being undulating with pain. A torrent
of fire had crashed into his back causing him to plummet to the ground, where
he lay convulsing with heated agony. This time she was certain it was boy she
had struck. The woman strode over to the child, the flames now rotating around
the two like a blazing cage. She knelt
down on one knee and whispered into his ear, “I’m sorry I had to do this.” The
boy looked up into the woman’s burning eyes, and began to laugh.
“You don’t need to be sorry!” In one fluid
motion the boy pushed himself up and threw one of his knives into the direction
of the fox, which stood unprotected at the adjacent side of the room. The woman
gasped, realising her puerile mistake. The knife slid through the fox’s flesh
with incredible ease; with a force so strong that it knocked the animal back, pinning
it to the wall. Its limbs wilted as it hung motionless on the wall like a
taxidermy prize, blood oozing to the floor. The spiral of flames surrounding
the woman and boy dissipated out of existence. The woman collapsed to her
knees, clutching her throat, gasping for air. The boy knelt down and whispered
into the woman’s ear, “Is that all you got? To be honest, I expected more!” The
woman’s eyes widened. Her face drained of all colour. The boy stood back as the
woman dropped to the floor with a deathly thud. A knife protruded out of her
chest; blood beginning to spread across her red robes.
The
boy stood shaking over the corpse. He let out a terrible laugh which
reverberated throughout the house. He had completed his task. He was now one of
them…
The boy knelt over the body and dragged out
his knife, wiping the gore onto his cloak. He repeated the action with the fox,
the animal’s body plummeting to the floor, landing in its self-produced pool of
blood. He went to leave the room, but before he made his exit, the boy turned
to admire his achievement: amber liquid
saturated to floor, the stench of blood clogging the air. The walls and roof
were charred, and two corpses lay silently upon the ground. With a beaming
grin, the boy replaced his hood, and left the yet again dark and still house.
Ah well I am a grammar freak so even though you only made two or three mistakes I would like to offer my editorial skills to your next peice of work, Tom. After all it is far too good to allow such minor niggles. I can see your inspiration with 'the woman' there and I like the way you have kept the characters all elusive.The way you describe the boy as a body for so long is quite apt to convey his lack of identity and belonging. It adds an eerily cold quality but surely it must have been difficult. I can see you have fought to keep the repetition on the low but perhaps other phrases such as the 'shadow' 'silhouette' or 'outsider' could help break it up. Overall though its a really engaging start to something I hope you continue. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for taking a look Alice!
DeleteYeah, I know you're a grammar freak! But do not worry, if there is a grammar mistake feel free to tell me!
I might change some of the words suggested.
Thanks for the comment! The next chapter will be up tomorrow!
Thank you everyone for all the views so far! Feel free to comment!
ReplyDeletethats ok Tom and I'll look forward to it. I have a blog too now! Just need to find something to put on there. :/ And yes I am a grammar freak haha, my suggestion is "is that all you've got?" instead of "you" and something else I forgot. I'll have another look soon.
ReplyDeleteWhat is the website for your blog; so I can add you. Thanks, I made the changes suggested! Really helpful!
DeleteI am quite looking forward to the next chapter :) Great technique by the way: making the characters elusive so your readers continue reading as their curiousity has been arisen. It is my dream that one day I can be a writer. I only hope that the piece I am going to be working on will be as good as this.
ReplyDeleteP.S
I forgive the grammatical errors
Thank you very much for the feedback! I am very self-conscious about my work, and it is great to know that people like it!
DeleteI'm sure your work will be just as good, or even better! I would like to read it when it is complete!
The next chapter is online if you want to take a look!
I'm loving this. have read this a few times now and it's still interesting to me. That's a good sign. Keep up the great writing :D
ReplyDeleteThank you!!! :)
DeleteTom, this is a really gripping start!
ReplyDeleteThe concept is very intriguing - I'd agree with Alice that the structure has resulted in some over the top repetition of 'the figure' etc. that you could do with fiddling with- perhaps you could use this to your advantage by hinting at some of the apparent inner strength of this character during this mysterious description so that the contrast is heightened when he is described as a boy but the clues can be spotted when looking back?
p.s. There are a few spelling errors such as inhabitants/ inhabitance fall/fool that it's worth doing a few read alouds to try and eliminate- might help to make sure the flow is exactly the way you want it too.
p.p.s. Don't put too much of the one story up or there'll be nothing for people to pay for later :)
Thank you for your your advice, and I will certainly change the spelling!
DeleteI like the idea of hinting the inner strength of the character, and may look to involving that; identity and exploration/evolution of character is a key theme to this novel so it would be good to add what you suggested!
Thank you for the great comment and encouragement! If only I could get it published!!!
Don't forget to check out Chapter 2! :)
I love your writing, now go write chapter 4. XD
ReplyDeleteHaha, thank you so much! Don't worry, chapter 4 will be on the site after I get back from my holiday: which is Monday!
Delete